Surprise!

Last week, after my 20-week checkup with the midwives, Zack and his mom and I went to have the gender scan ultrasound- which is supposed to be the last one of my pregnancy (midwives try to keep that kind of technology limited, considering we don't know the full effect of it on the fetus).  The tech found out the gender but didn't tell us- she wrote it on a piece of paper and folded it up times a bajillion and put it in an envelope.  Zack's mom took that envelope to a bakery and instructed them to fill it blue if it said boy, pink if it said girl.  On Sunday we gathered at MIL's house with a few close friends and cut the cake...









Wow, I was shocked!  I've been carrying everything in the front, the baby had been so active, and big, and I just *knew* it was a boy!  When Zack and I started a registry, we even picked out a couple of blue things because I was so sure.  Baby girl's name is Gwenna Michele.  I felt a little disappointed at first, but I think that was only because I was disappointed in myself for not knowing- for mis-labeling my little girl and not knowing her, and having to do the bonding thing pretty much all over again.  Instead of imagining little footballs and sailboats, I had to start imagining butterflies and ballet slippers. 

Now we're all very excited, and just can't wait to welcome our baby girl into the world!

Honeymoon Trimester

It took a while, but I've found myself totally comfortable several times in the past week.  I'm in week 19, so it took me nearly a month to feel the relief most people feel in the beginning of their second trimester, but it doesn't really matter to me anymore because I get to feel the baby move ALL the time now. 

I think I may have gained 10 pounds in the past month, but I'm not going to get too down about that because with the way I've been drinking water, probably half of that is fluids, and I lost 20 pounds in the first trimester anyway.  Still pretty scared of the weigh-in next week... yikes!

More in the way of pregnancy development: very relaxed attitude.  Even something that would normally send me up the wall only elicited one rude comment from my angry mouth, which then twisted into a grimace and then gasped and then bawled because I felt so bad and so sorry for that comment.

I still get grumpy sometimes, but it's not bad, and I definitely don't feel like dying.  I'm happy!  Yeah, you read right :)

FOOD!

Okay, okay, I probably have to excuse and explain my absence from here for so long: HYPEREMESIS GRAVIDARUM, kidney stone in each side, and gallbladder polyp.  Good enough explanation?  'Kay, moving on.

I've been feelings so much better (I'm about 18 weeks now) and often I'm actually hungry.  I thought I'd share a few of my favorites here:

CAPRESE SALAD

Sliced tomatoes (my favorite is the kind off the vine)
Fresh mozzarella
Basil leaves
Olive oil
Salt (optional)

Now throw it all together.  Seriously, knock yourself out!

EGG SANDWICH

Two slices of WHOLE WHEAT (respect your nutrition, preggos... so you can binge on chocolate ice cream when a real craving hits) bread
One egg, fried (I like mine over-hard)
A little bit of butter or olive oil on the toast & to cook with

Come on.  You know what to do.

BERRY SMOOTHIE

Frozen berries (I use raspberries, blackberries, blueberries)
No-sugar-added applesauce
Strawberry yogurt
Lemonade

I blend the berries first, adding some lemonade to keep it all moving.  Then the applesauce and yogurt.  Seriously ridiculously delicious!

Okay, um... now I'm going to go stuff my face.

Ohai, blog!

I am not even going to apologize for being away.  I've been dealing with severe nausea and vomiting, pinched nerves in my back, a kidney stone not only in my left ureter but one also in my right kidney, and some sort of polyp in my gallbladder.

Sometimes the pain is pretty bad, but the worst part of the constant misery isn't the pain or vomiting itself, it's the fact that no one wants to tell me when it'll be better.  The thought of going 6 more months with this and then labor and delivery has literally had me thinking of ways I'd rather die, and much sooner than 6 months from now.

My friends remind me that I've wanted this.  And this is true- I wanted this when I had a boyfriend I'd been with for years and was very comfortable financially and the obvious next step was marriage and kids, so when I found out I was pregnant with his kid (for whom we'd already picked out a name), I was happy.  But he wasn't.  It was a very hard time and I lost the baby.  So my friends being sweet to me and being happy for me is touching; they don't want me to go through that heartache again.  But I still feel bitter.  Why did this have to happen now, when I wasn't ready, and now I have all of these health problems at 22 little years old?

I keep trying to bond with the idea of our baby, and try to be happy to know we have a little miracle. 

This song reminds me of the whole ordeal:

"Closed off from love, I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough and it was all in vain
Time starts to pass before you know it you're frozen

But something happened for the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground, found something true
And everyone's looking 'round, thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear but they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater than the rush
That comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness I see your face
Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy
Maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it's draining all of me
Oh, they find it hard to believe
I'll be wearing these scars for everyone to see

I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love

You cut me open
And I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love"

Update!

There are apparently only 2 midwives in all of New Orleans.  We had our "initial visit" today and I brought up the wine thing (a couple of posts back, I linked an article on light drinking during pregnancy which supports the theory t's FINE) and unfortunately my midwife believes it to be too risky.  While she may believe that, I know that my poor stomach has had my nose divert me from EVERYTHING except a glass of wine (which I did not drink- I'll be waiting until I'm out of my first trimester).  I trust my body over medical advice, once more.

But the midwives seem alright, otherwise.  I'm sure I could find some crunchier help in California, but you do what you can with what you've got.

Oh, and I got an ultrasound done Monday, and Little One's measuring 5 days older than it should be based on conception.  Please God do not make me deliver a 12 pound baby.

I don't feel very funny tonight.  I feel sad and angry and a little bit ravenous.  I want a chopped salad from my favorite restaurant in LA, and I'm going to cry because I can't have it.  I want to watch the sun set on the beach or behind the mountains.  I want to go on a hike through the woods and go to the observatory and the LA zoo and Malibu and... yeah... I just want to cry.

Fun sucker.

That's what I've been today, just a happiness-vacuum.  Everything is so irritating!

I ordered a sandwich from Isabella's, and while the description said "pesto sauce" was on it, they put a pesto MAYO sauce, which made me want to hurl just smelling it.  $8 for something I had to throw away!  I called them and told them about it and then filed a report with the BBB.  Mayo has eggs, and that can do some nasty things for people who are allergic... better me bitching now than someone suing them for not disclosing the proper information.

I know that was probably a lot for me to do just because of a sandwich, but damn it I was enraged.

And poor Zack... he wants to talk to me, asks me how I'm feeling, when I work, how work was... and I glare at him because it's the 2nd or 3rd time I'm having to tell him I DON'T WANT TO TALK when I'm about to throw up!

I feel like all my frustration from not being able to keep stuff down and just being plain miserable all the time is getting taken out on everyone else. 

Please, 1st trimester, be over soon.  I mean sooner than my 4 calculated weeks.

On Natural Response

So I was thinking about this morning sickness thing.

Originally, I was on board with the doctors, and KNEW I had to take in 2300 calories a day to reach my weight gain goal for this trimester.  After all, ketones, released when your body burns fat, can brain damage the developing baby!  Then I got really vomit-y and gave up.  I am now relegated to eating a bowl of plain cooked pasta with salt.. per day.  And I'm lucky if I keep down my whole 20 oz. Dasani.  And I don't care.  I like to think that my body, with its countless years of evolution all written down in every strand of DNA,  knows more about making a baby than some 20-something man with a general medical degree.

Over half a decade ago, babies were taken immediately from their birthing mothers and put into incubators and left there, alone, for lengthy amounts of time.  Doctors meant to protect newborns from the newly-discovered microorganisms in the world... they meant well.  However, the catastrophe that ensued speaks volumes about medicine interfering with natural processes like childbirth.

Many newborns got sick, lethargic, and even deathly ill.  Some babies literally died from loneliness.  From this debacle came the studies that Attachment Parenting would bloom from, and even today, psychoanalysts are working miracles with Attachment Theory.

But doctors, haven't you learned your lesson?!  I know you want to fuss at me for losing weight while my baby is wanting to pack on tons of fluid and such, but have you been pregnant?  My body quite obviously does not want to gain fat right now.  And I think it may know what it's doing.  After all, the world is filled with toxins (don't I know it- I wrote a 6-page outline on toxin awareness for the Green & Granola business plan) and right now my baby is at its most vulnerable.  I'm sure it doesn't need high-fructose corn syrup or bleached wheat or preservatives.  Unfortunately, they're in every damn thing and my body knows it!  So slow your roll, doc.  I'm going to trust my body over you.

While we're at this, I'm going to say a bit about drinking during pregnancy.  I got to wondering about why my friend's glass of Chardonnay smelled so blissfully amazing while every other smell makes me want to barf, and did some Googling...

Actually, I'm not going to say anything; I'm going to link you this article: Lies That Women Are Told.

You can bet that as soon as I make my 2nd trimester I am RUNNING to Whole Foods for some Chardonnay!